Too Much Or Too Little Of That Sweet

Life is sweet. Yeah, sometimes. I stumbled upon this poster when I stopped by Pinot Pallette located in Paradise Valley (Phoenix)  AZ. Its a great place where you can actually paint step by step with an instructor and drink wine at the same time. How good is that? Just a great place to get together and have some fun, and be artistic at the same time!

You know how sweets have too much sugar in them? How they taste good? But you can’t eat too much of them because you’ll gain weight? You get all relaxed and comfy, and the pounds start to roll on.

If there’s too much sweet in your relationship, you’ll get lax. If there’s not enough, you’ll crave for the sweets. And it goes full circle.

Is life sweet? Sometimes. Are relationships sweet? Sometimes.  Sometimes not. Sometimes they are bitter sweet, or downright bitter. Or salty and crusty. It just depends. You could be in a relationship for a long or short time, it doesn’t matter. It can become bitter or sour very quickly.

If you have been married for a long time, can your relationship be sweet? It can, however the repetitiveness and responsibilities of every day life can bring in sourness, which really isn’t always a bad thing. If you’ve been in a relationship for a short period of time but your significant other starts showing you lack of respect, the relationship will sour. Lack of respect is a big one, though, that needs to be dealt with.

I’ve been married twice. Each time there’s been a struggle with mutual respect, and with keeping the relationship alive. It takes work. If you let it slide, it might slide right off the map. I think lack of respect comes from taking that person for granted. It’s only human nature to assume, and if we don’t have to work on something, and if things just come to us, we get lazy. We’ll just reach for that sugary cupcake even if it’s not good for us. The sugary cupcake might be a lack of being in touch with yourself and stocking up on comfort food. It doesn’t have to be literally reaching for a cupcake, one could just be in denial about how things really are.

So your husband doesn’t look at you anymore, or he’s gone for a long period of time, or he’s not around to fix the weatherstripping around the house.

Delegate some responsibility. If your partner never cleans the house or does any chores, when both of you have a busy life, sit down and talk about it. Talk about how it feels to have to do everything yourself, cleaning the house, taking care of groceries, paying and organizing the bills. See if you both can share equally, or at least try to. If you don’t speak up, you won’t know if things can change. If your partner resists or is non communicative, make a note of it, and try again a different day. But try to talk to each other. Open up the communication channels. Cause if you don’t talk, you don’t communicate, your partner won’t know what bothers you, you won’t know what is bothering your partner, and communication is on a breakdown path.

Life is sweet, life is bitter, life is salty. It actually isn’t a bad thing, because having too much of that sweet isn’t a good thing either.

 

All writings © TravelingThrill, photo © TravelingThrill

Life Traveler – Down the Winding Road

Life is like traveling down a winding road; it has its pitfalls, obstacles, challenges, and thrills. I talk about relationships here, and how to cope with a relationship, or not feel discouraged, but feel renewed. I am not offering any advice, just some thoughts as a life traveler and writer.  I am a female writer and fellow life traveler. Each day or week I will post a comment about the world as I see it; I welcome any of your comments! Speak up and let me know how you feel about things, what you read in my blog, or any thoughts or experiences you might like to share.

As a woman, we have extra challenges, we have age challenges, raising a family, the pressure of beauty, staying healthy, and also, trying to hold our relationships and families together. Do not feel discouraged; we are all traveling down this road together. Monica A. Wolfson/a/k/a TravelingThrill.

All writings © TravelingThrill

Breath Some Life Back into your Relationship

Thinking back about why old relationships and new ones don’t work that well after a while…it has to do with respect…if you have been too mild, gave them what they wanted and let them step on you until they saw you as a doormat…it takes a while to figure it out…it seems to be a universal problem especially for women…you know the saying, “nice guys finish last”, and “girls like bad boys”; the same seems to be true for men, “nice girls also finish last (or else they are taken  for granted), and “men like women that give them a hard time (bitches)”…

Girls, if you see your man start to take you for granted, tell you to be quiet while they are on the computer, they stop listening to you, stop taking you places, not bring you gifts, not kiss you all the time…you need to nip things in the bud, and not take it anymore…tell them you need their attention, ask them why they are slacking off on gift giving or doing things for you…the time to contront them is now, not later…

The first time you met your relationship partner, think about the newness of the romance, and how wonderful that was.

Did you ever notice how new couples act with each other? Two people that look at each other adoringly; how their faces light up when they look at each other and how they laugh and giggle like small children, with eyes twinkling, hand holding, light kisses and hugging.

What you might have noticed, and this could be universally the case, two people who are newly in love or have a crush on each other, are completely preoccupied with each other, as if no one else is around except for themselves. They would be in the initial stages of romance, which is wonderful, gives an adrenal rush, butterflies in the stomach, happy, preoccupied feelings about the romantic partner. They would both be wearing, metaphorically speaking, what one would call “rose colored” glasses.

New couples in the initial stages of romance, do not see fault with each other. They probably miss each other terribly when gone even for a few hours. This is the most hypnotic or addictive stage of romance, and one which most people would love to maintain permanently once they have a romantic partner. Later on, when reality sets in, and the romantic partners may go a step further, and make a commitment to each other, sometimes the “rose colored” glasses fall off, to reveal the reality, shortcomings and imperfections of each other. This is the fragile stage, which is like a fork in the road. One could break off into not seeing each other anymore, once the newness wears off, or one could go down the second road, of deepening commitment.

Some people want the thrill of new romance, and are addicted to it. They might even have a life partner, or marriage partner, but they still need to catch the thrill in their mind’s eye. How many times has one encountered a man (or woman) that was thrilled with the “chase”. How many times have we heard a man (or woman) tell us that in their experience with new romantic or intimate relationships, that when the relationship was new, it was thrilling for them and like a “rush” for them, which so many times has often been the prevailing reason for why married or committed couples might decide to “cheat” on each other. How many times have we heard someone involved in a romantic relationship that, let’s say, has gone on for more than two years already, that “my partner doesn’t listen to me”, or “my partner won’t clean the house or go anywhere with me”, or “my partner doesn’t compliment me”, or “my partner won’t spend any money on me”, or even more common, “I wish my partner would behave like they did when I first met them”, and “where is that person I once knew, I wish I had them back”…

How does a person get that “new” spark back in their committed relationship

Ok, I will be talking about how to breath some life back into a relationship. Can you get back the newness of your initial romance? That remains to be seen. But recognizing that your relationship NEEDS something new again is the first step…Be objective….take things with a grain of salt, there is so much out there on what to do. Use your instincts, you know your relationship much better than anyone else.

So much emphasis is made on new relationships, and new romance. Did you ever go online to various dating websites and get the feeling that the new romance thing will happen over and over again. Because of the emphasis on newness, a lot of people may not place as much worth on an older relationship. They continually want the “thrill” of a new relationship. What these people don’t realize is that just HAVING an old relationship is thrilling; a person you have a long history with, share things with, laugh with, cry with, dream with…

It might be easier not to try; and to continually search for that “perfect” or “exciting” relationship. How may times have we placed our hopes on our new romance to forever be exciting and thrilling, the rush that we feel with a kiss or even looking at our partner. It really is amazing how we can look at that same person a few years later and not feel half of what we felt when we first were in the relationship with them. The butterflies are gone, the rush is gone… So…when your partner doesn’t react as “romantically” as when you first met them, you also have to wonder why…it is a two way street…do you feel the same way they do…is the rush gone…are the butterflies gone…is that part really important…are we just hooked on romance…is it realistic to think that we can feel the same way about our old relationships as we did when we first met them…

The first rule about getting the newness back into your relationship is to not anticipate anything. Second rule is to not take your partner for granted. Third rule is like free association, let it flow.

Rule One: Not to Anticipate. Does your significant other interrupt you, while you are talking, and falsely anticipate what you are going to say next, without listening to you complete your thought?

Rule Two: Do Not Take Your Partner For Granted. Do you count on your partner behaving the same way over and over? Do you assume your plans that did not include his or her input will be ok with them? 

Rule Three: Let it Flow. Be spontaneous. If your partner suddenly wants to take a walk at midnight, do it with them. If you feel like visiting an art gallery at the last minute, do so. That is, if you want to. Don’t feel obligated. Ever.

Rule Four: Make sure you get the respect and attention you deserve. Because you ARE worth it.

All writings © TravelingThrill

It’s that Dusty, Stormy Weather Ahead

Looks like storms are brewing this weekend… kind of reflects what home life is often like…ups and downs…you never know what’s going to hit you next; a hail storm, rain, getting poured on, high winds trashing and thrashing through…Right here we are getting dust storms and lightning storms…Relationships are similar when you think about it…tornadoes, rain, hail, thunder, lightning, and then…yeah…warm, sunny days (like we are having now), and then dust storms like we are experiencing in Arizona these past couple of weeks…

Ok. The freezout relationship. Think of this spring and last winter when it’s been really really cold and snowy in places around the country. Even southwest areas got snow. Some places have had about 3 inches an hour in certain areas, including the center of the country. Tornadoes might happen in some areas of Texas today, but uncertain so far. Freezing ice rain and hail in other areas. So why talk about the weather, you might ask. Comparisons between weather and relationships. Freezing rain, freeze out in communication with the spouse. Snowing, feels like things snowball at home, the dog tracked in dirt, the kids aren’t behaving, the teenager does what he or she wants.

Freezing ice? Maybe the spouse that doesn’t talk to you anymore about anything. You can’t get them to put down the Ipad, cell phone, or tear themselves away from the computer. Try as you might, freezing ice glosses things over and keeps them inert, non moving, non changing, and if you crack the ice, it’ll freeze over again, so it’s just temporary.

The Tornado relationship. Tornadoes? Well compare that to everything whirling around, too fast paced, things falling like dominoes, maybe a job, or changes in family, divorce. Losing a job, family member, going through a divorce, having to get away from a relationship quickly. And as soon as the tornado comes through, it strews destruction on things, and one is left to pick up the pieces and hope that another tornado never travels through the same area again.

Bad weather relationships, rain, thunder, hail, lightning. You suddenly get an outburst from your significant other and you don’t know what you did. He storms out and you don’t see him for hours. What do you do?

So why even bother comparing the weather to relationships? Because if anything, think about this. Weather changes. So does relationships. So, bad weather passes through. You suffer for the moment. But it does pass. So it may be with relationships. They too go through rough weather. But things pass. They change. If you don’t like the way things are going, and they seem unbearable, you can make things change. You can pilot the weather of your own relationships. You know things will pass. And you know you can make things change. So cheer up. Bad weather passes, and it again becomes sunny and bright. Relationships can go through different types of weathering, and they either come out on the other side, sunny and bright, or they don’t. In that case, you still can pick up the pieces and move on.
All writings © TravelingThrill

Tired Love, Old Love, Looking Good Ex

Do you ever think about your ex? And feel some guilt pangs because you are in a relationship with your current will-be-turning-into-an-ex-soon? Your daily routine with your current livein is you both come home from work, tired with no energy left over except to heat up two paltry TV dinners and throw some bagged lettuce into a bowl. Then your ex retires to the TV set, and his IPad and laptop at the same time. Yes, miraculously he can multitask his Ipad, laptop, and the TV. He looks mostly at the Ipad. Not at you. Sound familiar? 

Your relationship is turning over to the last page in the book. It’s ready to be closed. So you start daydreaming about old exes, new faceless people, and even wonder what it might be like to strike up a conversation with that guy in the gym that you see every week by the free weights. Worse yet, you fantasize about calling your ex, and getting together again. You might imagine that he tells you he loves you, and wonder what your life would be like if you hadn’t let him go. Well, it probably wouldn’t be that much better. But you know that old relationship wouldn’t work. It didn’t the first time. Or would it? 

If you are in this dismal state of affairs, its time to take action. Take out a sheet of paper and start writing. Quickly. Write your plans for your new life. Nothing is worth being miserable with your new soon to be ex. Think of it this way, you need water. Water for your soul. That water is your life line. That water is called love.

All writings © TravelingThrill